Religious Rock 'N' Roll

On Friday last week I attended a gig in Sheffield, Slipknot and Korn. On entering the arena’s car park I happened upon several people preaching and giving out leaflets which essentially informed me that rock ‘n’ roll deaths including Freddie Mercury’s were a product of sin associated with rock ‘n’ roll. Damning the lustful and greed lifestyle that our beloved musicians fall into and that when taking this type of music into my life I should get ready to face the consequences when meeting my maker.

Now I had been at work all week, I was designated driver and over tired. I was looking forward to spending an evening seeing some live bands whose music I enjoy. So when I am handed these leaflets I thought several things.

Firstly it names Freddie Mercury has a victim of rock ‘n’ roll. I would not agree. The great Freddie Mercury died because he contracted a disease which at the time did not have a method of management which would have allowed the great man to live longer. People who contract AIDs now are able to live better lives. Obviously I am not missing the real reason why these people are listing him as a sinner (sexuality) but quite frankly I think it is distasteful and wrong he be listed next to people that did die through drug and alcohol related incidents. He was a remarkable man and he didn’t hurt anyone.

Many have died through drug and alcohol related deaths and it is extremely sad this be the case. Unfortunately many of our revered musicians are tortured souls and therefore feel they need to turn to substances to help ease their pain whether mental or physical. But it comes down to choice. As long as you’re not hurting another unfortunately we can do what we like with our own bodies. Even if this does mean putting harmful chemicals in your body.

Furthermore this lust the leaflet talked about is a funny thing. People have sex. Most people like sex. Sex is sex. It is something which between two people who love one another is scared and special. But hey, if you want to have sex with someone you don’t love, who gives a fuck? As long as they are consenting does it really matter?

I don’t mind faith. I am fascinated by it. I have faith. Not in a god or particular religion. I have faith in the world. I have faith that one day, even if that day is not today, everything is going to be fine. We have hate in this world but we have love. People have the ability of giving out a lot of love. I do not need a god to give me that but I understand if there are some who need that to help them.

But don’t interrupt my Friday night to inform me that I shall face the consequences of listening to metal music. I am married and faithful. I don’t take drugs. I do drink but who doesn’t? But even if I did have rampant sex every Saturday night with a stranger snorting cocaine off his butt cheeks, does it matter to anyone but me, the individual involved and the laws of the land? It wouldn’t matter to a god especially when that god doesn’t even exist.

The beauty about the country we inhabit is that we have a certain amount of freedom. Not endless obviously otherwise it’d be chaos. But enough to keep things interesting. I am critical of some laws but in the grand scheme of things England is doing fine. We have the freedom to seek solace in whatever religion we see fit.

There are only a handful of religions that will respect me despite my gender. Paganism is a wonderful religion for this fact. In Paganism and Wiccan the female gender are seen as sacred as we are a giver of life. The goddess in some depictions are seen as a shapely women with large hips in order that they can give birth to life. The goddess is seen in some opinions as a stronger deity however both male and female must exist equally together in order for life to keep on being produced.

Many mainstream religions will seek to ensure that I am a “good girl” full of chastity and virtue. They would seek to silence me for I am only the server of my father, then my husband and then my sons. I am sorry I shall not be put in a corner and I shall damn well listen to whatever music I want despite its image of being unclean, lustful and sinful.

So now you religious nuts, next time I want to go and listen to a band I don’t want to see you. I hear Marilyn Manson may do some dates in England this year; you’d better not be there otherwise I will inform you kindly and politely I worship the devil.

Weight: Part Two: Standing on the scales for the first time in months

In the office is appears everyone is looking to lose weight. Most likely New Year Resolutions which will either be broken or kept, we will see. Today one of my colleagues brought in some scales. Having not stepped on any since Summer last year I thought why not? I knew I had put on weight. Trousers, dresses and jumpers had become in the past three months tighter and more prone to ride up or feel uncomfortable. I guessed at half a stone approximately.

As I stepped on those scales and measured myself, the little digital dials of death counting up, the blood drained from my face. I was over ten stone, ten stone six to be exact. I am five ft two, quickly calculating in my head this now made me overweight if you believe the BMI counters. My colleague witnessed a minor meltdown in the seconds that proceeded this monumental revelation. For the first time in my life I had surpassed ten stone. Growing up in my mid-teens I was horrified if I crept over nine stone let along be ten stone six. My colleagues lovingly said to me I don't look overweight and I am still very petite but still, this confirmed all of my worst nightmares. The horrible thoughts in my brain which had been going round and round in my head for the past three months as I saw the weight creep on. I am fat.

 These past posts about weight issues show what my mind is really thinking. Bollocks. How did I let this happen? I don't eat unwell, cook everything from scratch. So maybe I drink one too many glasses of wine and don't exercise but surely that can't be it? So upon my arrival home, in the worlds worst mood, I went for a run and then set to reading everything I could about healthy diets, gym memberships and slimming world deals. Then it hit me, there are so many magical potions, pills and programs to enable the average person lose weight how was I supposed to select the right one for me? All of these people preaching they have the right answers. Well who is right?

This multimillion pound industry making women like me who ordinarily couldn't give a shit doubt themselves beyond all measure. My confidence has slipped over the past year admittedly but self-loathing, no, this is recent. This has happened in the last three months as I realised that I was gaining weight and that "perfect" body image was slowly slipping away. People are judged on their appearance, male and female. How could I sit idly by whilst my image was being ripped to shreds by strangers in the street. But it all doesn't matter does it?

Yes, I do need to ensure that I get back under the ten stone mark, potentially back to the nine stone ball park figure. But this shouldn't be done because society dictates this of me. This should be done because I want to be healthy. Because a healthy body usually equals a healthy mind. I want to do it so I don't have to deal with as many risks to illnesses in my future life. So that I can be around for as long as possible seeing the world which I love so very much.

Tomorrow undoubtedly I will continue to surf the internet trying to establish what is the golden goose of all health programs. But I will battle the thoughts of self-loathing. I have to because otherwise society and those companies that make a fortune telling us we are not good enough will win.